matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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