I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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