its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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