Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
