Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
