he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
