Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
tell me about the fingering
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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