..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
