rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
