Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
