the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
