got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Two words: blizzard sex
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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