I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
