He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
