good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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