is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
