Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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