I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
