im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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