I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
