drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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