It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
