OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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