So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
