he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
