It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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