I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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