Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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