If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
