The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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