I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
