I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
