he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize