Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
