wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
