just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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