Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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