FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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