I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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