Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
