Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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