dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
