i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
