just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
