i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just tell him i said nine months
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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