So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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