You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
