My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
