Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
