Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
