i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
