The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
