We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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