We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
