Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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