The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
