he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
