Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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