Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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