Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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