You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
even my farts smell like vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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