Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize