Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
