That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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