the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
