does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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