jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
