I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
