Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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