Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
